Host the masts and alert the port bow! ARRRGGHHH! Tis a new comic day for theeee. And within this comic be panels upon panels and text near text. It is a veritable smorgasbord of nouns.
Did you know that trees are secretly very funny inanimate objects? While doing some crack research for this clearly entirely accurate comic adventure, I uncovered their true nature. While at first I was tempted to keep this info to myself, I decided that for the greater good of humanity I should share in detail.
MORE, MORE, MORE – After the jump ->
EVIDENCE #1:THE BEAUTYBUSH
What? Yes. There is a tree and its name is the beautybush. It is known as such because of its fast growth and a clear V-shape. According to ArborDay.orgit requires full sun to be happy so keep this in mind.
EVIDENCE #2: THE COFFEETREE
The coffee tree sounds delicious by default. If there were a coffee cake tree nearby it would be my favorite tree. But this is a sneaky prankster tree which I’d call a liar to its face if it weren’t bigger then me. But here is where the humor comes in:the coffee tree does not create or even brew hot cups of coffee. Nope. As a matter of fact its seeds are toxic to humans. You’ve won this round Coffeetree.
EVIDENCE #3:Â THE GOLDENRAINTREE
Hmm, I’m not sure what could be wrong with this one. Goldeny rain showers sound sweet if I were a kid, but low and behold I am not. AND I HAVE THE INTERNET. I know what this means even though I’d rather not! DAMN YOU TREE! Like tubgirl, or goatse, I long for the olden times where people would be stoned for this crap. I’m not sure if you can stone a tree but I’ll damn well try.
In conclusion, here are three reasons why trees as we know it are funny or evil, and instead of “fighting terror” abroad we should be dealing with this urgent and leafy issue at home. Please destroy all trees. Thank You. The End.
Hero of the Week: Michael from the wonderful Putrid Pal comic. Thanks for commenting and sharing the coolness that is a french zombie who lives under the sea. I’m inspired by the sweetness and soul your work has, and the best comic related toy I’ve ever seen. Everyone should buy one of these when they hit in February!
FREE DOWNLOAD IN FEBRUARY! Tell your friends and enemies. I’m releasing one of my old books in PDF downloadable form so please stay tuned.