Entrepreneur Meme Fantastico

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meme
(pronounced [miːm] in IPA), as defined within memetic theory, comprises a theoretical unit of cultural information, the building block of cultural evolution or diffusion that propagates from one mind to another analogously to the way in which a gene propagates from one organism to another as a unit of genetic information and of biological evolution.

Entrepreneur Meme Fantastico
(pronounced [pa ncako eat mi: m) defined as stealing an idea from a blog for an internet meme while balancing a ball on one's head on Sunday, November 11th.

[This is all stream of thought ranting so feel free to ignore me. I know some dig my honesty and a look into my life so if you stop by for that sort of stuff please dig in.]

While enjoying the refreshing water of the magic internet tubes I ran into an amazing post about fear and entrepreneurs. Go read it if you interested as it it wonderful. In brief summary: Naomi Dunford argues that fear is normal and natural. Sometimes you just have to have a backbone and keep on going even if the results anger some folks. Or maybe, especially if the results anger some folks.

In the article she even lists some real fears she has. And to be honest, I love this. She has freed herself a bit with this ballsy move by displaying her heart in public for all to criticize. But there comes that whole “dealing with fear” thing again. So I thought why not give it a go, eh?

M Y    F E A R S

  • – That I will not be able to finish either of my new books for next year. I’m dying to share these with others and I need to get something new out before I die of old age at 25.
  • – That no one will care about the SUPER SECRET pixelton novel and it’s SUPER SECRET surprise. I could have done something normal, but this idea make my heart jump. I hope other like it. Maybe a few heart jumps on their end too would be nice.
  • – That I won’t be able to achieve the level of promotion I need to properly self-publish said book. I’m beginning to think finding a “real” publisher may be the best bet. I feel like I’m copping out though to be honest.
  • – That my design studios will fail. That I won’t be as successful as I hope. That I will only deal with clients whose idea of creativity involves PowerPoint. That I won’t be able to eat. That I will be happy and complacent with any of the above. That I will forget why I started. That I will accept “Yes” or “No” with complacency. That I wake up wanting to be in a cubicle.
  • – That I’m become less human with each day. I’m boxing myself off from the world systematically. By working 14+ hours a day, I’m doing the guy thing of “shutting down” from reality. I want to stop but don’t know how.
  • – That I’m being unfair to my wife, my tiny dog, and my family and not giving them more time. More time to grow, and play, and flourish together.
  • — That others will continue to see my care-free nature as weak. Then they are surprised when I launch WWIII based on a snide remark.
  • – That I will continue to forget that everyday is a choice. And that within that there are millions of unique and personal chances to change the world.
  • – Clowns. I’m very scared of clowns.

*sigh* I feel better. Now that my fears are out there they are easier to address with open eyes. [Places ball balancing on head, firmly on table. Walks away.]

Oh, and thanks for reading. If you are looking for more vaguely entrepreneurial resources, may I recommend the speech below. It is Guy Kawasaki speaking about the “Art of Innovation”. It seems to be based off of his excellent book The Art of the Start which is my bible right now.

Guy Kawasaki – The Art of Innovation
55:38
Guy Kawasaki at the 2007 Event Marketer Conference

Now that I’ve shared – What are your biggest, deepest fears? Any takers?

-Josh

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28 insightful ideas to “Entrepreneur Meme Fantastico”

  1. AvatarNaomi Dunford
    1

    Super awesome! I am so impressed with this. I wrote mine curled up in bed and half asleep, so the normal “Do you really think you should say this?” vibes were turned off. When it hit Digg, I was like, OH MY GOD. You just said this in front of 20,000 people!

    Great job, gorgeous site.

    Reply to this comment.
  2. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    2
    Author Comment

    You’ve just made my day Naomi. Thank you so much! :D

    And kudos for taking over Digg’s front page! I hope you gain as many fans from this as you deserve.

    Reply to this comment.
  3. AvatarKat
    3

    I have a lot of those same fears. Only it’s compounded with “Oh my god, I’m graduating with a degree in design. And I have no job. And I’m going to be eating ramen and/or my dog in my parent’s house forever. And no one will love me! Especially not aforementioned dog! That I just ate! WHY DIDN’T I GO FOR A DEGREE IN BUSINESS?!”

    otherwise, I think I am going to steal this and do it for reals.

    I never got my package, but it might have been stolen by my mother.

    Reply to this comment.
  4. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    4
    Author Comment

    Hey Kat! Thanks for sharing your fears. We are all awesome.

    Rest assured, I think everyone feels terrified on graduation. When I got out of school the market was still tumbling from 9/11 and no one cared about design. In contrast the design/web market is simply hot right now.

    In other words, you’ve got NOTHING to worry about. I checked out you site and you have some really wonderful work there. And the fact you are on the ball so early is proof you will succeed. Honest.

    As for the package thing…I’m still mailing many out! I need to get them out by Christmas otherwise I should just shut this all down. Keep an eye out! :)

    Reply to this comment.
  5. AvatarHarlequin
    5

    Hey there, Josh. Gonna break character for a while so I can talk about the things I worry about most often.

    For one thing, I’m freaked out about college. I’m going to be starting next year, and a creative writing major won’t help me much until I find a publisher. I also don’t know how I’ll handle the drastically different workload, up until now I’ve been homeschooled. So I’m afraid of being completely overwhelmed and choosing a major that I love, only to end up living in a box.
    I also worry about my family a lot. I live in New Mexico, but my dad’s a pastor and he, my mom, and my little brother are in Russia right now working with a church there. I lived there for two years with them before I came back to the States to start college. I just have trouble dealing with the fact that they’re so far away, and it’s compounded by me having to listen to my younger friends complain about how horrible and controlling their parents are. I feel like just grabbing them by the shoulders and telling them that at least their parents are AROUND.
    And a third thing is that, well, I worry I won’t ever become an author. I’ve loved writing and reading since I was really little, and getting something published is pretty much my life goal. I know it’s not that hard to get published, considering some of the crap that makes it into print, but I still can’t help worrying about that, too. What if I only THINK I’m a good writer? What if… well, you know how it goes, albeit in a slightly different context.

    I think the thing I’ve decided is that, trite as it sounds, you really are the only one standing in your way. If I’m persistent enough, my writing will improve and I’ll eventually get into contact with a good publisher who likes me work. I’ll survive through college, even though it IS going to be tough for me. And my family is going to be fine, and I will see them again. I just have to keep focusing on that, and things will work out. They always do.

    - Nathan

    Reply to this comment.
  6. AvatarNdogg
    6

    You guys are all rockstars. Seriously. You especially, Josh – for having the grapes to open yourself up and therefore open everybody else up.

    First of all, Kat and Harlequin – I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Going out into a creative field IS scary, but in my experience it takes a certain type of person to acknowledge that so early in the game, and it takes a person with great passion for what they do to figure that out. I have found that these people who are so passionate for their future as a designer/writer/illustrator/etc to worry about what will happen to them are the same types of people who really have nothing to worry about.

    It’s the statistics that scare you before you get your feet wet. It’s easy to get scared by the reality that roughly 10-20% of design students really “do” it. That immediately gets everybody scared about their choice to go into it. I was the same way, as was the Great Mr. Farkas here – I saw it with my own eyes. But eventually I came to a point where I was able to look around my classmates and see that 80-90% of them were f-ed.

    The bulk are either:

    1- talented people who can not get their act together, therefore unemployable (and obviously not motivated enough to work for themselves).

    2 – Untalented people who are chasing a pipe dream due to the lack of their talent or lack of believing in themselves, and are too scared to TRY.

    I would be willing to bet that the two of you are neither, and are in the minority that will make something of themselves because, like our Pixelton champion, will give it their all, and have the passion to go ahead.

    I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, since in the recent past I have had everything I ever wanted come true. A good design job (and subsequently the end of crappy design jobs), a humble but wonderful place to call home and a new wife that has given me the motivation to do something with myself and has become a greater friend than I ever thought was possible. I have never been so happy, and never thought life could be this complete.

    So, my biggest ongoing fear is that my happiness is made up of smoke and mirrors.

    I have in innate ability to doubt the genuineness of people/friends/co-workers when it comes to their fondness or affection of me. I also fear my happiness in my career is one day not going to be there.

    Like all of a sudden, the curtain will open up, and I will realize that those few people I give all my affection towards were not genuine and/or I will end up hating my career choice and worry about what to do then.

    Sorry for the novel, our beloved Mr Farkas can vouch for me as being a tad “wordy” nearly all of the time.

    -nate

    Reply to this comment.
  7. AvatarHarlequin
    7

    I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Going out into a creative field IS scary, but in my experience it takes a certain type of person to acknowledge that so early in the game, and it takes a person with great passion for what they do to figure that out. I have found that these people who are so passionate for their future as a designer/writer/illustrator/etc to worry about what will happen to them are the same types of people who really have nothing to worry about.
    It’s the statistics that scare you before you get your feet wet. It’s easy to get scared by the reality that roughly 10-20% of design students really “do” it. That immediately gets everybody scared about their choice to go into it. I was the same way, as was the Great Mr. Farkas here – I saw it with my own eyes. But eventually I came to a point where I was able to look around my classmates and see that 80-90% of them were f-ed.
    The bulk are either:
    1- talented people who can not get their act together, therefore unemployable (and obviously not motivated enough to work for themselves).
    2 – Untalented people who are chasing a pipe dream due to the lack of their talent or lack of believing in themselves, and are too scared to TRY.
    I would be willing to bet that the two of you are neither, and are in the minority that will make something of themselves because, like our Pixelton champion, will give it their all, and have the passion to go ahead.
    I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, since in the recent past I have had everything I ever wanted come true. A good design job (and subsequently the end of crappy design jobs), a humble but wonderful place to call home and a new wife that has given me the motivation to do something with myself and has become a greater friend than I ever thought was possible. I have never been so happy, and never thought life could be this complete.

    Thanks for your kind words, Nate, even though you stole my name. *shakes fist* I do appreciate the reassurance. As for your worries about happiness being temporary, well, it is. BUT, that’s the thing. You sound like you really care about your wife, and I think that the initial surge of happiness based on that will be replaced with even more love and happiness the longer you two know one another. So yeah, happiness is temporary, but mostly because when things work out right, it’s replaced by a new and better level of happiness. I might not be an expert on relationships, but that’s my prediction.

    Reply to this comment.
  8. AvatarNdogg
    8
    I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Going out into a creative field IS scary, but in my experience it takes a certain type of person to acknowledge that so early in the game, and it takes a person with great passion for what they do to figure that out. I have found that these people who are so passionate for their future as a designer/writer/illustrator/etc to worry about what will happen to them are the same types of people who really have nothing to worry about.
    It’s the statistics that scare you before you get your feet wet. It’s easy to get scared by the reality that roughly 10-20% of design students really “do” it. That immediately gets everybody scared about their choice to go into it. I was the same way, as was the Great Mr. Farkas here – I saw it with my own eyes. But eventually I came to a point where I was able to look around my classmates and see that 80-90% of them were f-ed.
    The bulk are either:
    1- talented people who can not get their act together, therefore unemployable (and obviously not motivated enough to work for themselves).
    2 – Untalented people who are chasing a pipe dream due to the lack of their talent or lack of believing in themselves, and are too scared to TRY.
    I would be willing to bet that the two of you are neither, and are in the minority that will make something of themselves because, like our Pixelton champion, will give it their all, and have the passion to go ahead.
    I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, since in the recent past I have had everything I ever wanted come true. A good design job (and subsequently the end of crappy design jobs), a humble but wonderful place to call home and a new wife that has given me the motivation to do something with myself and has become a greater friend than I ever thought was possible. I have never been so happy, and never thought life could be this complete.

    Thanks for your kind words, Nate, even though you stole my name. *shakes fist* I do appreciate the reassurance. As for your worries about happiness being temporary, well, it is. BUT, that’s the thing. You sound like you really care about your wife, and I think that the initial surge of happiness based on that will be replaced with even more love and happiness the longer you two know one another. So yeah, happiness is temporary, but mostly because when things work out right, it’s replaced by a new and better level of happiness. I might not be an expert on relationships, but that’s my prediction.

    Nathan – Thanks for the kind words – you’re seemingly the sharpest and wisest teenager I have ever come across BAR NONE.

    Your realistic and yet still optimistic outlook on life is amazing, and is truly something you share with Josh, which is what has made him so special to me for the 5 years I’ve known him. Plus, your words are moving, and I can already tell you’ll be one hell of a writer.

    Oh, and don’t worry about the name thing…. I’m actually a Nathaniel!

    Reply to this comment.
  9. AvatarNdogg
    9

    Yea, so that last post totally copied the wrong message in my reply. Oh well.

    Reply to this comment.
  10. AvatarHarlequin
    10

    Yea, so that last post totally copied the wrong message in my reply. Oh well.

    It’s okay, I won’t tell anybody.

    Fun fact: I’m actually a Dante Nathanael, I’ve just gone by Nathan since I was little.

    Reply to this comment.
  11. AvatarNdogg
    11
    Yea, so that last post totally copied the wrong message in my reply. Oh well.

    It’s okay, I won’t tell anybody.
    Fun fact: I’m actually a Dante Nathanael, I’ve just gone by Nathan since I was little.

    Dante is WAAAAAY cooler than my name, so you win.

    Reply to this comment.
  12. AvatarNdogg
    12

    Oh, and Kat? I agree with Josh. Your site is really impressive. You will never have to worry – you are more talented than everybody that worked at this ad agency I used to work at in Chicago, including me.

    You didn’t go for that business degree because like myself, the thought of you working in MS Office doing spreadsheets probably makes you sick to your stomach.

    You are really good. I am sure you will have no problems getting work and you will do great things when you get out into the cold harsh real world. Trust me, the first good job is the only real hard one to get. Once that is out of the way, you are golden.

    Reply to this comment.
  13. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    13
    Author Comment

    The dueling Nathaniels: My hat is dipped so low to you both out of respect. Placing your fears out there is hard thing but you did it…and I think anyone who reads them would be hard pressed to be touched. I know I have been.

    Mr Harlequin: Wow.

    I’m so sorry for your situation, but to echo NDogg, I’m so impressed by how you’ve handled it. If this had happened to me I’m not sure I would have had the stones to keep going. but if those experiences hadn’t happened you never would have become the passionate and dedicated individual I see. I hope it gets better though.

    At one time I interned for Paul Hornschemeier, who works in Chicago and makes indy comic Sequential, Forlorn Funnies, and a graphic novel called “Mother, Come Home” (which everyone should read). I worshipped his writing, his art, and his passion.

    But being around anyone that long – especially your idol – is bound to make things clear. And I learned clearly that sitting down and doing was all that you needed to create. There wasn’t anything secret or unique happening. And to publish it was as easy as doing that enough so that others cared.

    In other words, you were right. Keep doing. Keep swinging. And the world will need to pay attention eventually. And if they don’t you tried, which is more than 80% of people do in their lives so you win by default.

    One other quick thing – I’m going to launch a contest this week that is for writers. And you will get full credit and publishing awesomeness. And everyone sort of wins so you have one more thing to add to the growing resume.

    And if you EVER need any help publishing something just let me know. Seriously. I’ll help any way I can.

    PS. You are an amazing writer and you haven’t been to college?! You’re going to be dominating the world in the next few years. :D

    Ndogg: I hate the phrase “I know EXACTLY what you mean.” because it isn’t urgent enough. It doesn’t show how painful and powerful that connection is.

    But I do know EXACTLY what you mean…Fear of smoke and mirrors. And much larger fear of misunderstanding people and their sincerity.

    I’ve never heard it expressed like that before…but it so present in life. Each day I hit a wall and wonder, did I have these people wrong? Do they not really like me? Am I being played like a fool?

    Maybe it is because of this that I really go crazy sometimes. When I tell clients off it is because my expectations were shattered beyond repair, and I have no interest in rebuilding that trust. WOW. I’m freaked out a bit by what this means about me.

    The one piece of consolation I have is that I know you. And I know it is literally impossible not to genuinely like you. Really. And as for the smoke and mirrors bit, things will and do change. But you and Sarah love each other and will invest the time needed to make it right. With that you have everything you need. :D

    I took anti-depressants for quite a few years, and then one day I decided to get off of them. I found that while I wasn’t always sad, that I sure as hell wasn’t always happy. Somehow I’d become trapped between these two polls. The point being that the world meant nothing without great highs or bitter lows. But life needs these, so I’ve learned to savor my joys and pains…for they’ll be gone and dulled before I have a chance to enjoy them.

    PS. NDogg – call me so many nice things again and I HURT YOU. Or I edit your post to be funny whichever is easier. :)

    Reply to this comment.
  14. AvatarFelonious Tub
    14

    Thanks for sharing Josh, and everyone else too for that matter. The thing that I’m mainly in fear of at the moment is time management. I work 12 hour days and with travel, that makes 14 and I’ve also got a 10 month old baby boy so lately it’s been a real struggle to fit everything I want to do into what little time I have spare but today I’ve started to fix that by having a month off from work with very little planning. Hooray.
    Plus I agree with the whole clown thing.

    Reply to this comment.
  15. AvatarHarlequin
    15

    Keep doing. Keep swinging. And the world will need to pay attention eventually. And if they don’t you tried, which is more than 80% of people do in their lives so you win by default.

    The funny thing is how often I’ve tried to explain this to my friends. I guess I’m out of the angsty teenage years, because I just haven’t been able to get into the “life is terrible” mindset for a while now. Go figure. I guess when I turned twenty I gave up on that.

    I still take antidepressants, actually, but I’ve spent a while without them (all my posts up until this one were written before I took my meds) so I know how I feel when I’m on them is almost the same as how I feel when I’m not. It’s really reassuring. They actually work more to fight Attention Deficit Disorder, so I’m really just more focused when I take ‘em.

    And I’m very interested in hearing more about this contest, I am I am. It’s been a while since I wrote something — I’ve spent most of my time drawing lately.

    Reply to this comment.
  16. AvatarNdogg
    16

    PS. NDogg – call me so many nice things again and I HURT YOU. Or I edit your post to be funny whichever is easier.

    Ha – For being a person that goes through life trying to make everybody around me laugh all the time, it’s kinda funny how quickly I get un-funny when I type.

    I’ve read over the whole lot of the posts today, and really am amazed at what a great discussion this has turned out to be from your initial words of inspiration. It’s like group therapy for eccentric eclectics!

    Reply to this comment.
  17. AvatarHarlequin
    17

    I prefer eclectic eccentrics, personally.

    Reply to this comment.
  18. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    18
    Author Comment

    Ha, ha – agreed 100% Harlequin. Alliteration using the word eccentric in any position equals unstoppable power.

    Felonious: I hear you on the time issue. Hope the next month is some much needed time off!

    I’ve also really enjoyed this conversation. Thanks for the meditation on an adult topic everyone. I almost forgot this was a blog about zany, non-sensical comics. Almost.

    Reply to this comment.
  19. AvatarNaomi Dunford
    19

    Hey Josh!

    Holy comments, Batman! Do you always have this loyal a following?

    Reply to this comment.
  20. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    20
    Author Comment

    Hey Naomi! Ha, ha. Only when I pay everyone.

    Thanks again for the cool topic and your sincere emails. People like you restore my faith in humanity. And look – it is contagious!

    (Pssst…Your checks are in the mail folks. I S W E A R…)

    Reply to this comment.
  21. Avatarshane
    21

    Wow this is a pretty sweet blog you have Josh!!! And I love you art. Just saying hi and sharing good cheer. Let me know if you ever do small cartoons / comics for other blogs to self promote. I’d be so down to see that happen.

    Reply to this comment.
  22. Avatarbug
    22

    I have a few remarkably scary fears (maybe closer to one) that I encounter on a daily basis. It will take a good amount of background info, though, for you to grok, if you should choose to. Not sure if this is the best place to share it, but I have to do it somehow, somewhere, and my self-restraint is non-functional tonight.

    I’m 18 and very much a computer geek, going to the University of Utah. I started sampling college classes at 12 (explanation can be given upon request), and worked my way slowly through the exploratory phase, jumping between HS and college until I settled on Computer Engineering (not CS, because the market is so flooded). I have a fairly good idea about where I’m heading, but I also have way too many other, personal interests, including but not limited to: laptop music composition, cuisine (especially specialty pizzas), and the Japanese language. I’ve tried so many things, gained moderate skill and interest, then become bored with so many things that I can’t count them.

    I have long, broad discussions with my father daily about the problems that the physical and digital worlds are facing: things like war, political corruption, terrorism (in both worlds), the watered down software market and the information explosion. The last item was the topic of a recent discussion. There is so much stuff out there that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find info that’s relevant to you. In one possible solution, we imagined a search engine that distributed the work to clients (SETI@home-style) and personalized the results of every request. This is the sort of stuff I want to do for my career, and I’m interested in Carnegie Mellon’s M.S. in Information Networking as a possible path toward it.

    The problem is that I am not very well-motivated. I’ve had far too cushy a life, and I’m noticing it. I’ve only recently recovered from a serious video game addiciton that started when I was 13 and that my dad fumbled to react to, essentially stripping 3.5 years of Even now, I will spend hours upon hours daydreaming, reading blogs like this, arguing in forums, letting ze frank think so I don’t have to…when I should be, say, _starting_ that 6-page report that’s due in 2 days. I still get good grades (some would say very good), but not 4.0. I even have several personal projects…all of which have either been abandoned or sacrificed due to technical problems (http://sudoku.insecti.com, hosted by steelpixel, who recently had a hard drive failure). I fear that all of these little setbacks and distractions are stealing whatever ambition I have.

    In reality, I shouldn’t have any reason to be afraid. All of the cards I’ve been dealt have been in my favor. That might be the reason, though, that I’m experiencing so much self-doubt. Maybe this just boils down to a plea for emotional support.

    Also, it’s 12 PM and I’m dehydrated, so maybe I’m just delusional…or, is the state I’m in when a person’s character really shows?

    Reply to this comment.
  23. Avatarbug
    23

    AM. 12 AM. dur.

    Reply to this comment.
  24. Avatarbug
    24

    Also, didn’t finish that sentence about my addiction: “…essentially stripping 3.5 years of fully conscious thought from my life.”

    Man, I am tired.

    Reply to this comment.
  25. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    25
    Author Comment

    Damn Bug, what a wonderful heartfelt comment. Being as it is 3 AM for me I’m in no state to respond besides sharing my humility. Here, have some…

    It sounds like you have the same fear we all do here today…fear of ourselves. Fear that we will let ourselves get weak and disgrace the ideas we are so passionate for today. Out of all of the fear, I have to say this is so very sweet in the end. Our love for what we do pushes us hold onto it to the point of near total lock-up.

    The heart is well meaning, but when it incapacitates us we need to ignore. Easier said than done but maybe worth an awkward bumper sticker? No…let’s go with no.

    I know what you mean with the blog addiction/game addiction. But I have 20 years of it on you. It can warp you like anything you let take over. And now I’m hoping to do this comic to purge that all from my system. I have sold all of my game consoles and games en mass 3 times over but somehow I get pulled back in.

    I’m starting to wonder if I should quit it all cold turkey but Mass Effect is coming and… I don’t have any good answers for you…anyone else? :(

    But regarding your life, it sounds like you are on a wonderful path to what you want to do though. If you are 18, knew what you want from life, and are well on your way, then you are at the top 1%. Most people are idiots at this age.

    The comment about your dad was nice. I wish I had more conversations like those. It sounds like you want continue being an active participant in life and not an observer. Acknowledging it is the first step to acting. (Wow, I should be shot for how lame that sounded.)

    Finally I love your icon, have no idea of who it is. I’ve stolen an animated version from a forum post and look at for inspiration on simplicity. The kitty licks the screen and I love it. (sleepy now…)

    (Maybe this blog attracts intelligent and dedicated people? Thank you all for coming and commenting. This is by far the most I’ve liked the internet up until this point. G’night.)

    Reply to this comment.
  26. AvatarMiddlerun
    26

    Mucho respect all around. I don’t usually talk about stuff like this unless I’m quite drunk and with people I know very well.

    My main fears and worries revolve around two things: the first problem is my lack of self discipline. I’ve (almost) just finished my first year of an electrical engineering degree, and so far I’ve been doing fairly well, but I don’t know how, because I basically never study. I leave every assignment to the last second, do next to no tute work, and cram for exams the night before. I’ve actually been going pretty well like that since high school, but I’m pretty worried that it won’t last and I will totally screw up any chance of finishing my degree and getting a good job. But every time I try to turn over a new leaf and start studying regularly, I screw it up, get distracted all the time and end up where I started. Even if I do finish my degree I’m scared I’ll be virtually unemployable anyway because of…

    Problem number two: my crippling inability to interact with people face-to-face like a normal person. I’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I describe myself as shy but it’s sort of more complicated than that. Whenever I try to talk to someone I don’t know and get to know them, I just run out of stuff to say and there’s lots of awkward silences. It seems to me that there’s lots of unspoken communication like tone of voice, body language, etc. which I don’t pick up on. It blows, and I’m scared I’ll always be alone because I can’t talk to people. Especially females.

    One cause (or perhaps effect) of that is that I’m subconsciously self-absorbed. (Notice how I’m not really responding to anyone else’s comments here – I did read them.) I don’t know why that is and I hate that aspect of myself. I have a suspicion that I have a mild case of Asperger’s syndrome. It sure would explain a lot.

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  27. Avatarbug
    27

    Thank you, John. I thought about it last night some more, after I posted it, and realized that there’s no way I could let myself slip so far. I guess I’ve finally reached ‘devotion’ status. (yay!)

    Thanks for the compliments on the icon, but yeah, it’s not very original (except the ‘fortyseventeen’ logo in the corner, representing my other internet handle). I’ve been meaning to replace it for a while, but I’m not a designer. :P

    Middlerun, you are my my position almost exactly. I think I also have Asperger’s (forgot to mention that). If that’s really the case for you, then I don’t think you’ll have many problems with schoolwork. The discipline problem is for both of us, but I don’t really know how big a problem it is, since we each seem to get things done…

    As for the human interaction side of the syndrome, I can only suggest to meet people in whatever way you can. I’m struggling with it too. I’ve found some small level of friendship in my project teammates, I see relatives fairly often, and I bake pizza for our fortnightly mini-parties with the family of my dad’s childhood friend, Bryce (really cool artist, see http://listonart.com). That’s a good start, I guess, but really, I’m still generally secluded. Again, I don’t know how bad it is to be a bit more introverted than most. (It makes for great blogging, I’ve heard…)

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  28. AvatarJosh Farkas king of Happy Fun Fun Town of Magic
    28
    Author Comment

    Huge kudos to ModRocker and Bug again. Not much I can say beyond I’m in awe of everyone’s honesty here.

    To the whole talking piece Mod I hear you. I was the same way to a degree. At one point I wouldn’t talk to anyone but my mom. I needed to be shoved in a hundred horrible retail jobs to learn the simple fact no one cares. I could run around naked and people would be less interested then if I had a sign for free tacos.

    And to Bug’s point: Seclusion does make great blogging…and maybe a few comics…

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